Awhile back I was on a coaching call with my coach, John Romaniello. We’re working together on my business, and we were going over some aspects of my business that need work.
After a few minutes of my hemming and hawing about why I’m not doing X or Y, and as a result, leaving thousands of dollars on the table. Roman interrupted me with a phrase that brought me back to reality:
“Sounds like a bunch of excuses man.”
Now, when something that like that comes from someone who is not only a very close friend, but a mentor, it can be a bit jarring. It’s uncomfortable. It isn’t fun.
And that’s exactly why I have a coach. Someone to help me work through my narrative bias and get past the excuses I make that are preventing me from making my dreams a reality.
We all have excuses. For why we failed at our diet, to why we can’t go hang out with that friend we really don’t care to see.
Excuses are not only a fact of life; they’re a practice in life.
We can venture all the way back to when we stayed up too late chatting on AIM, or even before that. To when you were a brand new human just learning how to make your way through the world. We’ve had plenty of practice making excuses.
Thanks to all of that practice, they become a learned behavior, and as with any skill, the more we do it the better we get.
I’m no exception. Not by any means. My life has been full of excuses.
I’ve made excuses for why certain relationships failed. Why I didn’t do as well in college as I should have. Why my business isn’t at the point I want it to be yet. There have been a lot of excuses. And that’s even counting the fitness excuses I’ve made.
I’ve had plenty of practice making excuses. They come natural. They’re safe. They’re a way for us to wrap ourselves in the warm blanket of cognitive dissonance and pass the blame onto someone or something else.
This isn’t to say that we don’t all have issues or problems that are major obstacles. I don’t know your life. This world isn’t fair. Some of us have it far easier than others.
A single mother of 3 who works two jobs just to put food on the table is going to have way different challenges she has to face than a 25 year old bro who works in a gym. Especially when it comes to getting in shape.
This is to say that no matter what we see standing in our way, we have to fuck our excuse. Our excuses and the false comfort that come with them rule our lives.
Sure, we all act like at some point we’re going to quit making those excuses. We’ll finally start getting in shape when we’ve got the time. We use our excuses as the brick and mortar to build this magical world where someday is when the stars align and the perfect opportunity comes knocking. Until then, we keep making our excuse.
Fuck that. That’s weak. That’s a cop out. And we all know it.
Everyone deals with painful and unique circumstances that shape them as a person, and stand in their way. That’s a fact of life. But at some point in time, we have to take responsibility for everything that we do. We can no longer fall back on our excuses and the false sense of security they’ve given us.
Notice I’m not saying to ignore your excuses, or to stop paying them any mind. That’s not the point of this post. I’m not saying that you have to be accepting of your excuse, whatever it may be.
What I am saying instead is that you should be fucking pissed off at your excuse. Your excuse should dig at you. You should be aware of the space in your mind it’s renting.
That excuse standing in the way. It’s always been standing in the way. Mocking you. Laughing at you. Knowing that for years upon years, it’s won. It thinks it will always win. Why? Because it always has.
The only way to treat that excuse is with anger, and that’s why I say fuck your excuse.
If you’ve been reading my work for any length of time you’re well aware I have a deep love for curse words. They make people uncomfortable. They bring about a deep visceral feeling and reaction. And that’s the point.
Fuck is one of the best words in the English language because it brings about emotions that no other word can. It’s angry. It’s raw. It’s real. It lets The Excuse know that you’ve got a strength that it hasn’t ever seen.
When it comes to something standing in your way, fuck is the only way you can address that thing, and fuck is the only action you can take against that thing.
How do you properly fuck your excuse?
Now we’re talking. You’re pissed off about your excuse, and you’re going to make something happen because of it. Props to you, dear reader.
Fuck your excuse. Fuck it good and hard.
Were you really looking for some wisdom here? Did you expect to find some sort of magical piece of advice that you can follow and all of your excuses disappear into the abyss?
That’s not how it works. Your excuses don’t go dancing away into the night because you’ve asked them politely. You may be able to ignore them for long enough that it feels like they did, but they’re still around. They’re still occupying space somewhere within your mind.
You have to fuck them. You have to get pissed off at them.
- Not as lean as you want to be but you don’t know what to do? Well you know how to eat like an adult, so do it. Eat more leafy greens, quit eating so much shit in a box or a bag, and eat some lean protein.
- Business isn’t going as well as you’d like? Have you been tracking metrics and actively working to find holes in your business?
- Not as strong as you want to be but you’ve been trying a few different programs? Are you tracking your workouts to make sure you’re progressively using more weight? That simple change can go a long way compared to reading every article on the Internet about the squat.
It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. It matters that you fuck it.
Much like Ryan Holiday talks about in his outstanding book, The Obstacle Is The way. Whatever is standing in your way is likely the way you need to go. That’s why our excuses are usually a gift in disguise.
Those excuses are standing in the very way of us something very important to us. They’re preventing us from becoming who we really want to become, and getting past that excuse allows our dream to become a reality.
I’m typically not one who is big on motivational speeches. I love a good halftime speech in any football movie, or any badass training montage. They get me going. But they’re typically surface level, and only last for a very short period of time.
The point of this post isn’t to serve as a motivational speech, because it’s not. I’m not Tony Robbins, nor do I care to be. It should highlight the fact that we all have excuses standing in our way. They’ve always been there, and they’ll continue to stay there unless you do something about them.
You have to be aware of them, and you have to let yourself feel how pissed off they make you. Then you can attack them and fuck them they way they deserve to be fucked.